New Zombie Species discovered

* For those of you who have never been exposed to the rare phonemonen of zombie fish, please refer to "The Undead". This is your average zombie movie--- something happens where people turn into zombies; a group of people form a little survival posse; they get chased by zombies, etc...except there's the added bonus of zombie fish!! Rent it now! I myself rented it from Photoplay- or netfix that shit. The hero is a fisherman who has a triple-barrel shotgun and 2 gats that fly out of his holsters seemingly from telekinetic mind control skills. If that wasn't enough, he has acrobatic gravity-defying moves like those guys in John Woo movies. It's not the greatest zombie movie in the world but, jesus christ - see it for the zombie fish!!

Driller Killer + commentary = funniest shit ever

* Everyone should do themselves a favor and watch Driller Killer with the director's commentary on. Abel Farrara makes fun of the actors, the script, the dialogue, the art direction, the extras , the lighting, and gawks at all the hot girls in his film- the movie already rules but it's even better with the commentary

2 Zombie movie reviews

* "Zombie": This is an old zombie movie. My parents took me to the drive-in to see this one. Includes the classic "zombie vs. shark scene" and the "eye splinter" scene. The zombies look all rotten, too- great makeup FX- none of this blue body dye half ass zombie shit. These zombies are covered in filthy rotten flesh and earthworms. All zombie fans must see this.

"Wild Zero": If you like Guitar Wolf and you like zombies see this. Some highlights include: a tender romantic moment between 2 zombies and Guitar Wolf slices a UFO with his samurai guitar sword!! This flick also has an awesome soundtrack. Guitar Wolf played at my birthday party 3 years ago with Coachwhips and Lost Sounds and it fucking rocked- RIP Bass Wolf

April movie reviews! Cavemen, ghosts, rastafari dread lock man

* Here's some recent flicks I netflicked and i recommend:

1. Caveman: This has all the elements you want to see in a prehistoric dinosaur movie- Giant pterodactyl sunny-side-up breakfast eggs, stepping into giant dinosaur shit, the first gay cavemen, smashing giant mosquitoes on your bro's face, the dramatic discovery of fire, and subsequently the discovery of BBQ'd chicken soon thereafter, and of course giant dinosaurs stop motion animation style! not that crappy CGI shit.

2. Pulse: Creepy ass ghost story about ghosts entering our realm via the internet. There's some scary original ghost scenes in this one. Plus the director gives some great filmmaking techniques in the special features secion - great suspense building techniques for all you budding filmmakers.

3. Rockers: Dread lock rasta guy trying to make a living gets jacked by mobsters so he gathers together his crew of dreads and gets his revenge. They're like a Jamaican version of Ocean's 11. My favorite part is when they hijack a DJ booth at a club and play their reggae records. If you liked "The Harder They Come" this is a must see. Why are Jamaican movies so colorful?? It's like looking at Skittles the whole time. These movies always make me wanna go to Jamaica.

4. Fitzcarraldo: Werner Herzog flick about a guy who wants to build an opera house in the Amazon jungles- but due to a bad geographical logistic problem he needs to carry his big ass boat over a mountain with the help of scary natives. Klaus Kinksi is really funny in this one.

5. Burden of Dreams: A documentary about the making of Fitzcarraldo. Originally Mick Jagger was supposed to be in it! I'm amazed the movie even got made with all the bad luck that happened- someone even got attacked by and shot in the neck by giant razor sharp arrows by some real natives in the jungle. Werner Herzog is a crazy dude. I kinda liked this better than the actual film actually.

6. Gozu: If David Lynch made a Yakuza movie this would be it. BEWARE! There's lots of disturbing images and situations here- ie. incestual adult breast feeding, spoons up the asshole sex, etc- but if you handle that sort of thing then it's quite enjoyable.

7. Assault on Precinct 13(the original one): This is literally like a zombie movie without the zombies. So if you are scared of zombie movies, but would like the experience of watching one, watch this.

Don't see Narnia

* I, like everyone else, was at first excited to see this movie, but a friend whom I trust saw it and told me it was boring and it had 2 annoying talking beavers in it. First of all, animals and babies that talk via the magic of CGI is already annoying to me. That idea should just never happen in movies again ever. But the worst thing is motherfucking Santa Claus makes a surprise cameo in the movie , and gives the 4 kids weapons for the big war. What the hell is that about? I don't wanna see no Santa Claus cameo?!? screw that, that's corny. Stay at home and rent High Tension. High Tension scared the shit out of me. It starts out with 2 French girls going to a country house in the middle of a cornfield for the weekend. Then when night falls, a serial killer comes and completely fucks shit up. Those 3 elements alone-- hot French girls, cornfields and serial killer should be sufficient enough info to make you rent this. Cornfields are already scary, man. Throw in a serial killer and jesus christ you got a genuine fucked up scary movie.